If you have siblings, you already know that your children’s relationships with each other are extremely important. They’ll last past your lifetime and for their whole lives. The birth of a little brother or sister can be a rude shock to your older child, fueling feelings of jealousy and abandonment, or it can be a keenly anticipated, joyous event or both. With some planning you can help get the children’s relationship off on the right foot.
Setting the stage before the new baby arrives  When you tell your older child about the new baby depends on her age and interest. Older children will know something?s different as soon as you begin to show. Two- and three-year-olds may not be quite so observant, and you probably can wait until closer to your due date.

• Invite your child to touch your tummy to feel the baby move.
• Encourage her to talk to the baby inside.
• Take your child along to at least one of your prenatal refresher classes.
• Ask your hospital or birthing center about sibling-preparation classes. Sign up if they’re available.
• Buy books or check them out from the library about becoming a big sister or brother. Point out kids playing and talking with babies in books, on TV, and in daily life.
• Allow your older child to select nursery items like blankets or sheets, or to choose a lamp or picture.
• Show your child pictures taken when she was a newborn. Talk about how tiny babies are when they?re born.
• Tell your child what she was like as a little baby. Describe her favorite infant toy and discuss whether the new baby might like the same thing.
• Write a letter or make an audiotape or video to play to the new baby. Have your child introduce herself and talk about her life. It can be something like this: “Hi, my name is Jennifer. I?m five, and I?m going to be your big sister. I go to kindergarten, and my best friend?s name is Lisa. After you get born, you can be my friend, too.”

Do you want your child present at the birth: More families are bringing children to the birthing room, and those who do say the experience is richly satisfying for everyone involved. If you’re thinking of inviting your older child, ask yourself:

• Does the hospital or birthing center allow siblings to attend
• Am I really comfortable with this idea
• Will my child be bored? Frightened? Disruptive?

Arrange for your child to have a familiar adult companion If you still feel that this is right for you, arrange for your child to have a familiar adult companion at the birth (not dad?he?ll be busy with you). That person will stay with your child to tend to her needs, which can be anything from taking a bathroom break to answering a zillion questions. Prepare your child by showing her a video Beforehand, prepare the child by describing how hard you?ll be working during labor and what you?ll look and sound like. You also can prepare your child by showing her a video, such as Lizzie and the Baby: The Childbirth-for-Children Video, which is shown in hospitals at sibling-preparation classes.
After baby arrives Even if your older child seems happy about the soon-to-be-born baby, her demeanor can change when the baby comes home. “Dethroned” is the way some child psychologists describe the feelings of an older child when a newborn joins the family. Once the center of her little universe, big sister is now shunted off to the sidelines while everyone clucks and smiles at the bawling intruder, the rival. But if you prepare your child for the new addition to the family by acting with sensitivity and love, you can make the introduction of your baby less threatening. Here are some pointers: Selection of a gift ? Select a gift together that your older child can present to your newborn. Suggest a small toy, one appropriate for a very young baby ?and one that your older child won?t want to keep for herself. Whatever item you select, spend time together wrapping the gift and discussing when your child will present it.

• Select a gift for the new baby to give to the older child.
• Phone your child frequently from the hospital or birthing center to let her know that you’re feeling fine and thinking about her.
• Try to arrange for child care at home while you’re in the hospital. The events surrounding the birth can be confusing and frightening for small children. If at all possible, allow her to stay in her own familiar surroundings.
• Ask your parents or some other adult with whom your child is very familiar to look after her in your home.

Use paint instead of spending a lot of money on wallpaper. Invite friends and relatives to come over and dip their hands into a bucket of paint and then place their handprints on the wall. They can then sign their names underneath. This way, your baby gets to enjoy a brightly colored room covered in the type of highly contrasting pattern that most appeals to young infants. What an interesting way to introduce your baby to the numerous significant people in his or her life! Other ideas for decorating inexpensively include drawing hundreds of happy faces with colored markers, purchasing brightly colored wallpaper borders, stenciling your own borders, or hanging either baby quilts or brightly colored children’s placemats on the wall as decorations. If you are good at handicrafts, you can save yourself a pretty penny by making padded wall hangings and other decorations. If you do decide to spend a little more money and wallpaper your baby’s room, try to find something that isn’t too babyish. Pastel ducks may look cute now, but just try to convince your five year old boy that ducks are where it’s at when he has his heart set on race cars or teenage mutant ninja turtles! Also, make sure that any wallpaper that you choose is scrubbable. The wallpaper is likely to be hit with any number of substances from spitups to crayons to things we don’t even want to mention.

Floors and Windows

The same goes for flooring. Stain resistant carpet or hardwood floors are worth every penny when you consider the types of abuse the floor is likely to encounter during your baby’s first few years. If you’ve already got wall-to-wall carpet down in the nursery and you’re concerned that it might not weather your child’s babyhood particularly well, an area rug might be a good investment. Similarly, when you’re selecting window coverings for the nursery, aim for washable fabrics or blinds that can be wiped down easily with a damp cloth. Because some babies need to be taught the difference between night and day, you may find that a room darkening blind of some type may help save your sanity in months to come. An added bonus is that these blinds tend to be relatively inexpensive (unless, of course, you opt for a custom drapery service or select a pricey fabric for the blinds).

See the World As Your Baby Sees It

When you are decorating, remember that as the months go on, your baby is going to spend a lot of time lying on his or her back. Doesn’t it only make sense then to pay attention to the ceiling as well? Inexpensive ways to jazz up the ceiling include suspending fabric kites, or allowing fabric to billow through a series of hanging rings. Some toy stores also sell special nets which allow you to hang stuffed animals from the ceiling (and if your baby is like most children, he or she will have a fairly formidable collection of stuffed animals by the time his or her first birthday rolls around!) A nursery can be decorated beautifully without costing the earth if you are willing to be innovative and let your imagination run wild. Your nursery needn’t look like something out of a decorating magazine; what’s important is that it’s practical and cheery! After all, you’re likely to spend a lot of time in your baby’s room during those first few months. “